Dr Wilf's Jam Stall
I'm looking for donations of jars of marmalade, chutney or other preserves (damson - scrumptious!) to sell at the Tuk Chop harvest festival stall last week. They will of course have to be thoroughly sampled first - but that's the beauty of travelling through time! I can just nip back and retrieve the full jar again. (My primary reason for inventing my time machine!!) Any contributions will be gratefully received, tasted and rated right here!
Please don't worry about getting the jar to me physically - just upload a pic of it and I'll taste test it through the modern wonder of time and space travel, broadband and erm... mirrors.
email us -
Tasting Notes
1) Our first preserve is 'Geeta's Lime & Chilli Chutney'. Thanks to Edith Mutney from Cardiff for this one! The moment you open the jar you know that you are in a state of condiment-carousel bliss. A spicy citrus symphony hits the nose with a few oozing bass notes of garlic to boot on timpani. You can actually taste this concoction before you even eat it. A wonderful intensity of sizzle yet still very fruity. This one may as well have been made by Carl Orff (had he been a famous cook - that is) as I consider this to be the Carmina Burana in the world of preserves. A particular favourite of Sir Jon. ***** 5 Stars
Can you beat that? Well, er no as I've already awarded the maximum accolade available from my jam stall. (Puff-puff) I know - I declare the ultimate accolade to be 6 stars!
2) The Time Mould (not reviewed).
3) Our next offering is entitled 'Orange Marmalade with Forty-Niner' which arrived this morning at 3 am courtesy of DHL. Garden fete trade has slowed a little during the earlier hours of the day (signs of a world recession, I should coco) and this provided a welcome gastronomic distraction from my intense boredom. A big salute to Joan Crumb from Bisterne, (nr. Ringwood) for sending it via courier. The product is local to Joan and made by Ringwood Brewery as a sideline to it's ales (the biggest seller of which being - 'Forty-Niner'.) This marmalade had a wonderful orange aroma and appeared to have plenty of zesty pieces. Upon tasting it delivered plenty of wake-you-up zingy accidentals, but with a very mellow woodwind section courtesy of their fine real ale. A marmalade of noble character and distinction - honestly flavoured (real food) and honestly priced. Worth every penny! ****** 6 Stars!
4) Up next is a damson preserve from Duchy Originals. Many thanks to HRH Prince Charles for this submission. A right royal jam-maker's concoction that is literally bursting with plump pleasant plummy goodness. An organic offering that got my creative juices flowing. I asked Na-Na to fetch my cello and tape recorder and then proceeded to write a song entitled 'Plum Up The Jam'.
Plum up the jam
Plum it up
While your feet are stompin’
And the jam is plumpin’
Look at here the crowd is jumpin’
I was running low on full coronas and decided to sell off my inspiration. So I got into The Time Mould and journeyed back in time to 1989 and sold the song to the belgian house outfit 'Techonotronic'. Unfortunately they monkeyed about with the words a little and it became 'PUMP Up The Jam' - completely missing the fruity inspiration for this monster hit. Anywho I got myself another box of cigars to see me through the night. I would like to award five stars for the preserve, however seeing my song wrecked in such a fashion has left somewhat of a bad taste in my mouth, *** 3 stars for the Prince of Wales!
5) Patak's Chilli Pickle. It's monday morning - boo! There's goes the weekend trade, all of the late night village fete revellers have gone home. The coconut shy is back to single rates, and the sherry has been removed from the tombola. Oh, and here comes the milkman. Yawn! Here's to a boring cup of tea and the monday morning stock take! But what's this?!! Not only have I been left the usual pint of 'gold-top' but there's also a rather exoticly designed pickle jar with a note attached...
'Dr Wilf - Chilli Pickle to d-d-d-die for'
It's from my old mate - The Flourisher (from the now defunct publication - The New Milton Town Flourisher. Thanks for the contribution, sir!)
It's called, 'Patak's Original Chilli Pickle'. The packaging is attractive enough although a little garish in my opinion. However, the picture on the front clearly depicts the spicy extravaganza of ingredients contained within - chilli peppers (a whopping 49%), ginger, mustard and fenugreek. Opening the lid you're greeted with a greeny-yellow swamp of digestive mayhem, it's use only limited by your imagination (boasts the label!) The smell is pleasantly smooth, certainly not sharply overpowering like some spicy chutneys can be. The taste is smooth and hot. It's not overly sizzling but extremely tasty. It went great with my kippers and certainly brought some indian sunshine to my otherwise cloudy monday morning. A triumph! Congratulations to Mrs Meena Pathak, Leigh, Lancashire for this one. Keep up the good work, and I may just find a little corner for you on my jam stall at rates of... erm... 49% commission. (Puff-puff)
The Flourisher did point out in his note, that there is a better version of this type of pickle for sale at The Standard Bengal Restaurant, 105 Bargates, Christchurch, Dorset. BH23 1QH. This is very true and even more highly commended. (Much more suited to The Flourisher's immeasurable chilli- tolerance constitution!)
***** 5 stars for Meena
****** 6 stars for The Standard Bengal! Yes please!
6) World famous media mogul - The Flourisher!
Please keep sending in your preserves for inspection and tasting by Dr Wilf. He does love to hear from all of his readers but particularly when there's a jar of jam or pickle attached.
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